1. Kneel before God every Sunday on a f**cking hard stool in Church and He will love you and take care of you.
2. Hard work never did anyone any harm, so when you've finished your homework, get that floor scrubbed.
3. Exercise is good for you, get out there and have a game of football.
4. Climbing stairs is good for you because it gives your body an all-over workout.
5. Get on your bike and do a 100 miles each weekend, to make up for all the sitting-around you do at school.
Yes, there are more, but I've said enough. The fact is sadly, that all of this shite was drummed into me as a schoolboy, and I'm now paying the price for nearly 12 years of abuse to my young skeleton as a result of these no-doubt well-meaning exhortations from parents.
But what the Hell? The sun's shining, get out there and have a game of football...